Monday, March 8, 2010

Guest Blogger: Nels Martin

Nels recently came to me with a request: that he tell me a story and I put it on the Internet.

The story follows, but first some Cliffs Notes:

In case you're confused (as I was), the ants, bees, and snakes are all on the same side and they are the good guys. The spiders and the humans (though not working together) are enemies of the ants, bees, and snakes.

You will notice some dialogue that contains stuttering. This is a device used in the Tintin comics (and now by Nels) to indicate drunkenness.

Nels does not consider this work finished, but he ran out of steam after the first installment. Perhaps we'll serialize it if inspiration strikes again.

OK, here goes:

Once there was a little ant who lived underground with his friends. But then they were getting attacked by spiders. Half of the group of ants were soldier ants. There were a million ants. Half of the big group of ants attacked the spiders. The good guys won.

But then, more and more spiders came. They had to call more soldier ants. Instead of soldier ants, there came bees. And they were soldier bees. But then, more help came. And guess what? You'll never guess! The help was venomous snakes. The ants won. But then, all the soldier ants had to bring in tanks. All the bees had to bring bombs. And all the snakes had to bring airplanes. They were having a real soldier war.

But then, humans came. The humans were looking for snakes. They were going to cook them and eat them. The ants and the bees had to save the snakes. The snakes bit the humans.

The humans had to go to the hospital. But then the hospital was full of more venomous snakes! The people got almost ripped apart. They had to go to a different doctor. That doctor had no venomous snakes. The doctor couldn't help them. The doctors only had a saw and some jelly. Those doctors weren't smart.

But they had to go to a different doctor again. But instead of a doctor's office, it was a museum. When they went in to ask for help, then the persons who they asked said, "W-w-we c-can help y-y-you." When they went in to a room, it was full of whiskey bottles. Now they knew that it was a museum.


Mullins said...

I love it, especially the saw and jelly at the doctor's office and, of course, the drunks at the museum. Nice going Nels!

Amy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy said...

Wow. Boys and girls really are from different planets. I can't ever imagine Sunita saying anything so, "boy". Soldier ant, tanks, bombs, that is a different world. Truly, Sunita treats everything as a baby - rocks, pieces of paper, cell phones, and even the occasionally tractor. I deleted my first post because of grammatical errors that made it unintelligible.

josieO said...

He's right! I never would have guessed! Very impressive imagination. We're stuck in the acting-out-scenes-from-Cars-or-Nemo stage, and it's getting a little repetitious.

Gypmar said...

Jeff, your comment got a big grin from Nels :)

Amy, it has been REALLY eye-opening for me to watch them express all that innate boy-ness. Eye-opening and tiring.

Josie, I feel your pain.

eric O said...

Please ask Nels the following questions:

If you've been bitten by a poisonous snake and need professional medical attention, how can you tell the difference between the smart doctors and the saw-and-jelly-only doctors? Are there any clear identifying marks on the hospital/doctor's office that would help one know to stay away? Similarly, how can one make sure that he/she is on his/her way to a hospital/doctor's office and not to a museum? I think it's really important that we be able to make wise decisions about these things when the ants, bees and snakes attack, even if we are the bad guys.

Gypmar said...

Eric, if you go in the office and see that they only have saws and jelly, then you know they're no good. No way of knowing ahead of time.

As for the museum problem, the drunken museum employees actually DISGUISED it as a doctor's office, intentionally deceiving the snake-bite victims. [Why? That appears to be beyond the scope of our story.]

Those are the answers I got, paraphrased in my own words :)

eric O said...

Got it! I guess the moral of the story is that, in these dangerous days in which we live, one must be vigilant and alert at all times, ESPECIALLY when seeking treatment for a venomous snake bite.

Thank you, Nels (and Gypsy)

Heidi Jo said...

Ah, another writer in the family!

Nels Martin said...

I knew i was suffering from Alzheimer's Disease 3 years ago while getting lost in the world of Kaiser Permanenty. Or perhaps, it was my girlfriend's amazingly powerful imagination all courtesy of her bipolar illness that had me side tracked all this time. I meet my doppleganger.

Gypmar said...

Well, now I guess I need to amend the title of this post to "Guest Blogger: Nels Martin with Bonus Comment From Nels Martin."